Celebration? Really?

I was DJing tonight -a fill-in gig after a band had canceled- at Stan & Joe's (quickly becoming my new favorite place) when a girl I knew came in. She was all smiles and with a girlfriend and she came over and gave me a hug and then quickly informed me that they were out celebrating. Yep, the papers were finalized, she was moving ahead with her divorce. High five! Woo Hoo! Um. Really?

I tried my best to be enthusiastic, but it was evident by the look on her face that she could see the sadness in my eyes.

Shit happens. People fall in and out of love every day for every reason under the sun. I kinda think there's a lot of people who get together and get married without ever really falling in love or knowing what being in love is all about. Still, when a long-term relationship ends -when a marriage ends- I can't fathom it being a cause for unbridled celebration.

Woo Hoo! Glad that's over with! Never mind that the last however many years of my life have been altered and marred forever. Never mind that the person I pledged my undying love to is now some repulsive stranger to me that I can't stand to look at. No, forget all that... I'm free now and it's time to celebrate.

I just don't get that.

I'm a victim of a failed marriage myself. Today I can say with all honesty that I'm glad it's over and I'm glad things worked out the way they did. But I can't ever remember a time where I was "celebrating" my failed marriage. I did a lot of crying, a lot of soul searching, a lot of questioning, and -yes- a fair amount of drinking, but I don't ever recall celebrating. While I see now why things were doomed from the start and why it was hopeless to try anymore, I still can't classify my feelings as "happy" the marriage ended. It took me a long time afterward to trust my heart and my feelings again and to even think about loving someone else. It was a tough time.... no parties, no celebrations. We didn't have any kids. That undoubtedly would've made things infinitely more complicated and painful.

This acquaintance of mine did have kids with her now-estranged husband. I guess that was all the more reason to celebrate.

Really, I'm not trying to judge this girl because I'm positive the the whole breakup and separation has been -and will continue to be- hell on her, on him, and on the kids. I just find it odd how we always try to cover up the pain and emotion when it comes to failed relationships. Failed love. It's tough. It's embarrassing. Especially if you're married because that usually means you stood up in front of a bunch of friends and family and pledged your undying love for each other. And now look at you. You can't stand to look at that person anymore. How did it get to that point? That's what I kept asking myself when my marriage failed. And there were many, many more questions I asked. It wasn't a happy time. At all.

I don't really know what my point is in all of this. I guess it's simply to say that it struck me odd to have this girl come up to me all bubbly and giddy -in 'celebration' mode- because her marriage was officially over. I just don't think it's something to celebrate. It's definitely something to think about and ponder. Something to question and something to learn from. I'd even go so far as to say it's something that you should mourn a little.

Love is a very rare and fragile thing and it can't exist without the right mix of admiration, communication, friendship, patience, skepticism, and respect. So when you find it -or think you've found it- it's definitely a reason for celebration. But when you lose it, don't celebrate that. Figure out how it fell apart and make sure it never happens again.

That's all I'm sayin'