Dear Neighbor

I came home today and found an envelope tucked among my delivered mail. It wasn't delivered by the post office -one of my neighbors slipped in my mail box anonymously. It was a handwritten note on a piece of notebook paper informing me that my crazy old poodle, Linus, barks continuously from the time my wife and I leave in the morning until we return later in the afternoon (we had no idea this was going on). The note further threatened to notify Animal Control -or as the dipshit who wrote the note put it "Dog Control"- if the barking continued. Of course, there was no signature on the note.

I guess this is what it has come to these days. Face to face communication and common human courtesy has fallen by the wayside in today's fast-paced, get-ahead society. I'm guilty of it too. At work, I'll shoot an email to the guy in the office right next to mine instead of getting off my fat ass, walking a few feet, and talking to him man to man. I'll spend an hour texting or chatting online with someone instead of picking up the phone and talking to them. We are all, in one way or another, victims of our current society. I can remember my mom telling me about "the good old days" when nobody locked their doors at night and everybody knew everybody in the neighborhood. Truthfully, I know the names of only four of my neighbors and I've lived here for over five years. It's not like I'm a hobbit or a recluse, it's just that we all have busy lives and there's not a lot of time to get acquainted with neighbors unless you have to for some reason.

Still, if I were home all day and there was a neighborhood dog that was barking all day and annoying me, my first course of action would be for me to knock on the neighbor's door and let them know, as politely as possible, that their dog is annoying. Furthermore, if I were home all day being annoyed by said dog, and I realized that the owners were gone all day, I'd wait until they get home, knock on their door, and politely inform them that when they leave, their pooch barks all day. Based on personal experience, I have to believe that these folks would welcome such news and thank me for bringing it to their attention. After all, they're gone all day - how the hell do they know their dog is barking ALL day?!

Herein lies the source of my anger and frustration. It also kills me to see my wife get so upset over some cowardly asshole who decided an anonymous threatening note was better than a polite knock on our door. We're good, considerate neighbors. We do what we can not to piss off other neighbors. We also do what we can to take care of our pets. So when we're gone during the day -and the weather permits- we lock our dogs in our bedroom and leave our sliding glass door leading to our deck open for them. That way they can lounge on the bed and still have access to the outside when they need a tree or just some fresh air. Unfortunately, my old poodle, Linus, is quite deaf and senile these days. And apparently, he doesn't like it when we leave the house and now barks ALL day. We always heard him barking as we pulled in the driveway, but just figured he knew we were home. Obviously, we were mistaken.

I realize that we're surrounded by a LOT of idiotic people who have no real sense of reality aside from their own perception of it. I'm just sad that I now have proof that at least one of my neighbors fits into this pathetic category.

But, for the record Dear Neighbor, your letter was received and noted. And we are sorry to have disturbed you. We will be sure to keep our doggy locked up tight during the day. We're also sorry that you were too much of an asshole or a coward -or both- to knock on our door and talk to us about this.

Best wishes growing a brain or a set of balls. Or both.

Signed,

Anonym-ass