Forget Me Not

So Mom has Alzheimer's or dementia. Alzheimer's is a form of dementia but the only way to conclusively diagnose whether it's Alzheimer's or not is to slice open the brain postmortem and examine it. Nice, huh?

I lost my dad to a massive heart attack when I was two. And I lost my brother, Kenny, to Leukemia when I was five (he was 24 when he died). Heart attack, cancer, leukemia... all horrible ways to lose a loved one. But in my experience, nothing can hold a candle to Alzheimer's. It's a real bastard when it comes to terminal illnesses. You can lose an arm, a leg, your hearing, or your sight and still be a normally functioning member of society. But once you start losing your memory -your mind- you pretty much blow away your whole normal life and the lives of those around you. You become confused and frustrated because everyone around you doesn't understand or believe you. And guess what... everyone around you becomes confused and frustrated because you don't understand or believe them. And then there's everyone else on the periphery... social services, department of aging, etc. - all of these folks don't quite know who to believe. Is this an old lady being taken advantage of by her greedy son or is this a son trying to help his stubborn demented mom? Man, let me tell ya, it was a rough eight months from the time when my wife and I noticed there was something SERIOUSLY wrong with my mom and the moment we actually got someone who mattered to BELIEVE us.

And that was just the first hurdle. Then we had to figure out what to do... how to take care of this person who refused to be taken care of... who insisted she was fine to take care of herself.

And then after all that was taken care of (it all kinda fell into place), we settled in for the long haul; knowing full well that the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't daylight but rather a speeding freight train headed full-on in your direction. Nothing compares to the day that you walk in to see your mom and she doesn't know who you are. And then you remind her and then there's this awkward silence; her thinking "how could I not know that" and you thinking "we're just gonna play this off so she doesn't feel bad."

So how do you deal with your mom -the gal that was your best friend for so many years- suddenly forgetting who the hell you are? I don't know. It just happened to me, matter of fact. So I guess I'll have to get back to you on that.

But I'll leave you with a bright thought... the good thing about Alzheimer's... is... You meet someone new every day!! (ba-dump-bump!)