I'm a Redskins fan (hold your laughter) - but I also like the Eagles, the Steelers, and the Green Bay Packers. So on any given Sunday, I can most likely find solace in at least one of my teams winning. Of course I get ridiculed at work by my co-workers because, they tell me, "It's impossible to like that many teams -some of them arch-rivals!!!" Blah, Blah, Blah. It's not like I'm some sort of "sports fanatic" or anything. I don't buy season tickets -or any tickets for that matter- and while I do have a few Redskins shirts (and one official jersey bought by my wife), I'm not inclined to drop hundreds of dollars buying team-emblazoned paraphernalia just to show the world that I'm a "true fan". Bullshit! If you stop and think about it, all these "professional" football players are making MILLIONS of dollars for PLAYING A GAME each week... and here's the kicker... It doesn't frickin' matter how well or how bad they play... THEY STILL GET PAID!! That's like me going into work and screwing things up for 16 weeks straight and still getting my paycheck... NOT GONNA HAPPEN (unless you're a Gov't employee, of course... or a teacher... they have some freaky sorta tenure thing going on)
But back to football. I like it. If nothing more, it's an excuse to drink beer, eat unhealthy food, and play armchair quarterback for an hour or two. And there's only two teams that I absolutely positively can't stand... The Dallas Cowboys and The Baltimore Ravens. Hate 'em, hate 'em hate 'em. I'm not even sure why... must be some subconscious thing based on past experiences with Dallas and Baltimore fans...
I can't stand the fact that they call Dallas "America's Team" - Fhat the Wuck!? America's Team?@! How do you get that?! The nation's capital is WASHINGTON, D.C., so it's only logical that "America's Team" should be the WASHINGTON REDSKINS. Enough Said.
And now on to the Baltimoron Ravens. Unfortunately for me, I live in Arnold (near Annapolis) Maryland and I work in Howard County... Ravens' Country. It's downright depressing seeing all the purple jerseys and idiots parading around with their Ravens flags hanging out their car windows, flapping in the breeze. COME ON NOW! Give me a break! A few years ago Baltimore didn't HAVE an NFL team! Who were all those morons rooting for then? Huh? I'll tell you... they were REDSKINS fans, dammit! And then, all of a sudden, the Browns get relocated to Baltimore because some Billionaire owner (Model) wasn't making enough money in Cleveland. Of course, Cleveland sued for the "Browns" name, so Baltimore had to come up with a new name for the team. The morons -er- people voted and they all decided on "The Baltimore Ravens" - OK, so I wasn't that miffed about the name... after all, it was a sort of homage to Mr. Edgar Allen Poe (his story "The Raven") one of Baltimore's more well-known historical residents. But then, they go through the process of coming up with a logo to match the name and they (the same fine citizens who voted for "The Ravens") come up with the CHEESIEST logo(s) for the new team. That's when I lost interest and went back to watching my Redskins screw up every week.
Yeah, it gets worse too... A few years in and this new team wins the Superbowl and, of course, all of Baltimore goes nuts. Ah yeah, now you get to see the real (scary) fans on display.
Well, in fairness, I guess every team has them. The Redskins have the Hog-ettes and the freaks dressed like indian chiefs... Green Bay has their Cheese Heads... Still, I loath the Baltimore Ravens and even though the Redskins sucked better than an Electrolux vacuum cleaner this year, there's still hope for me... Pittsburgh (did I mention I like the Steelers?!) is playing Baltimore THIS SUNDAY and OH! will I be a happy camper on Tuesday if they beat the snot out of 'em. AND! It gets better!! The Philly Eagles are in the race too! They play the Arizona Cardinals on Sunday too! So I have two possible scenarios that could make my year... either Pittsburgh pummels the Ravens or the Eagles make the Superbowl against the Ravens and kick the stuffing out of them.
So I'll be watching tomorrow... Go Pitt! Go Philly!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
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