You Get What You Pay For

There are two morals to the story I’m about to tell. The first is: You get what you pay for. The second: All-Inclusive isn’t.

Our family recently had the opportunity to take a one week vacation in Cancun, Mexico and stay at a so-called “All-Inclusive” resort. I was lucky enough to get four round-trip tickets (stand-by) to anywhere JetBlue flies in a barter exchange for DJing their holiday party. Those tickets saved us over $3K in airline tickets for our family of four. On top of that we found a great deal through Costco Travel where we could spend five nights and six days at an All-Inclusive Resort in Cancun for around $1K. Wow. What a deal, right? We were all excited since this would be our first official family vacation.

Flying stand-by was a little hairy. You’re the last to get on the plane and that only happens if there’s enough unsold available seats. Our friend at JetBlue was a big help and was able to check our flights and keep us posted on how the odds were looking for us. We flew from Dulles to Orlando and then Orlando to Cancun. In Orlando it was looking like we weren’t going to make the flight. Only three seats available. Lucky for us, a passenger holding a paid ticket never showed up, freeing up a fourth seat for us on the plane. We all breathed a sigh of relief. The flight was smooth and, before we knew it we were in Mexico. The lines for Customs and Immigration were horrible. It must’ve taken us about 90 minutes to get all that taken care of

Almost immediately after clearing Customs and getting our luggage, my family and I were bombarded with fast-talking hustlers out to glean from us some of our hard-earned American money. Everyone was so friendly, but you always had to keep your guard up. It was hard to tell whether folks were being genuinely nice and helpful or whether they had an ulterior motive to sell you something. I had already prepared myself for this type of 'hospitality' (I'd been to Tijuana once for a couple hours) but I really had no clue who was genuine and who was scamming me.

It started at the airport when this official-look guy in a nice white shirt and a name tag offered us help and direction on locating our complimentary hotel transportation. He pulled out a map and showed us where our hotel was located, gave us a brief rundown on the exchange rate of pesos to dollars, and even pointed out some of the wonder parks and tours available. And that's where the pitch came in. Turns out this guy worked for a competing hotel and, if we'd just agree to go there and take a tour (where they'd inevitably try to get us to buy into a vacation club) we'd get deeply discounted tickets for select attractions in Cancun. We politely declined but it still took a couple of firm No-thank-yous to part company with this guy.

We made our way outside of the airport, declining numerous ambitious offers from taxi drivers to take us to our hotel. Once we found our hotel transport (Best Day Travel), we sort of breathed a little sigh of relief. After a short wait, a Best Day Shuttle bus pulled up, a very courteous driver assisted us with our baggage, we climbed aboard and we were on our way to the hotel. I give high marks to the Best Day Travel representatives, by the way.

My wife was shocked at how fast our driver made the trip from airport to hotel. Folks definitely drive fast and aggressively in Cancun. I'm glad we weren't driving a rental car. We would've been a nervous wreck. Despite the break-neck speed of our transportation, we still got the chance to see some of the stunning beauty of Cancun -most notably, the white beaches and crystal blue/green water.

We had reservations at the Crown Club Paradise Hotel and, as we pulled up the driveway we could see how immense this place was. Two convex multi-tiered buildings made a kind of circle. Inside this circle was the main swimming pools and the main dining facility, La Palapa. The hotel had kind of an open floor plan on the main lobby level where you checked in. A cool breeze swept in from the beach area, through the courtyard (for lack of a better term) and right up into the main lobby. A lot of thought and design had obviously gone into the construction of this hotel. Our initial impression was two thumbs up -especially after we were greeted by mimosas as we stood in line to check in at the front desk (the kids got Shirley Temples served to them).

Our initial grand first impressions were quickly dashed as we stepped into our room and discovered it was rather warm in there. I couldn't be sure right off the bat whether that was due to the A/C being turned off or just plain broken. The latter turned out to be the case. I tried, in vain, to dial in a cooler temperature on the thermostat on the wall. When we finally inquired at the front desk, they admitted that they were having problems with the A/C and they were working to correct the problem.

Since we arrived at the hotel in the late afternoon, our hotel representative, Annie, informed us we'd be unable to make reservations at any of the 'exclusive' restaurants. However, the main dining facility - La Palapa - was available for our dining -ahem- pleasure. Now since we're talking food at this point, let's just dive into the whole topic and get it out of the way.

The food at Crown Club Paradise is 'OK' if you're talking strictly about La Palapa and the poolside tiki bar that serves hamburgers, hotdogs, and wings in the afternoons. The most accurate description of La Palapa is it's a dining hall or cafeteria. It has four or five different 'food stations' in addition to a salad & fresh fruit selection that is well-stocked with fresh selections. All the food there is of decent quality -nothing phenomenal- and all the selections seem to lean towards the Mexican cuisine side of the house which was OK with me since I like that kind of food. But the hotel's website and brochure go to great lengths to call attention to their "fine dining" options. Check it out for yourself: http://www.crownparadise.com/cancun/restaurants/index.cfm - Now, after reading about the fine Mexican, French, Italian, Japanese, seafood, and Steak restaurants available, it'd be hard not to get a little excited about the food choices. We certainly were. The problem is, it's really all the same food being served in the La Palapa cafeteria. It's just dressed up and presented a little differently.

We found this deception out the hard way by making reservations at the Italian restaurant our second night there. We were expecting some fine, expertly prepared Italian food. We got a failing attempt at a steak and calamari. This food wasn't even on par with Olive Garden back home. And I was looking forward to maybe a nice Italian wine or perhaps even an Italian beer. Nope. Same beer and wine choices that were available in the main hotel bar. Are you ready for this? If you wanted a beer at this hotel, you got a draft Corona -period. You had no other choice in beer except draft Corona. Now, on my list of preferred beers, Corona sits right at the bottom. There are at least a half dozen other Mexican beers to which I give high marks: Modelo, Dos Equis, Sol, Bohemia, Tecate... (you get the picture)- Corona is NOT one of them. And may I also point out that most of these beers are equivalent in price to Corona. I just couldn't understand why an all-inclusive resort would offer only ONE kind of beer. ONE! The disappointment didn't stop there. They only offered ONE red and ONE white wine selection; a Chilean variety. The white was OK, but we didn't like the red -and since we much prefer red wine to white wine, it was yet another disappointment.

This whole fine dining scheme really pissed me off. Especially since they made you go through the trouble of making reservations for these restaurants in the morning and some had a two-day wait list. Utter bullpucky! We decided after our Italian debacle to save ourselves some frustration and time and stick to La Palapa for dinner.

Now, the other food choice I was excited about was the Sushi! Ah, I loves me some good sushi! The hotel sushi was served in a little non-air-conditioned building; half of which was devoted to fried selections like shrimp, squid, chicken, and fried rice. I swear I lost 10 pounds in water weight from standing in line, sweating, waiting for my turn to order. Once you get to the counter, you are limited to two sushi selections (you can jump back in line as many times as you'd like -until you completely evaporate). It wasn't bad, but it wasn't worth waiting in line for. One trip through was enough for me. Another let-down. I really can't comment on any of the other restaurants because, like I said, we figured out early on that this whole idea of "different restaurants serving different cuisines" was a big charade. We felt cheated and suckered.

I really don't think I would've been so irked about the whole food situation if the hotel had just been truthful and clear from the get-go. I'm a firm believer in the saying "You Get What You Pay For" -and we certainly did get what we paid for; perhaps even more than we paid for. BUT- I was expecting to get what was advertised and we didn't -that was all a big fat deception. That's what made us mad. My wife and I are self-professed (admitted) "Foodies" -we love to cook and we love to try new things. Along with that, we're quick to criticize what we consider sub-standard and sometimes horrible food and service. I encourage you to keep that in mind when reading this.

OK, let's get off the whole subject of food. It's making me hungry and angry at the same time!

One more major inconvenience on our first day: the towel situation. The hotel give you towel cards when you check in. You take the towel card to the towel both by the main pool and, in exchange, you get a freshly laundered beach towel to use. Likewise, you can trade in a wet, dirty towel for a fresh one at any time -or get your towel card back (which you need to check out). If you lose a towel or a card, it's $35. So, our first day there, after checking in and basking in the warmth of our hotel room, we decided it was time for a swim. Only problem was there were no fresh towels for us to trade for our towel cards. That situation continued for an hour. Now that's just plain annoying. Enough said.

Now let's talk about the staff at this hotel. Two words: Top Notch. Really. What, you were expecting more complaining? Nope. No complaints -only high marks. The highest of which go to the gals in charge of Kid's Club. These ladies worked from 8:45am to 4:45pm at the main kids pool/water park. You could drop off your kids in the morning and not see them again till that evening. They even took the kids to lunch at La Palapa for you. Then, at 7pm, you could drop your kids back off for evening activities until 9pm. The entire staff was great with children and really took a proactive role in keeping the kids entertained and busy. The kids' waterpark alone was awesome... three different pool areas with waterfalls, slides, and squirting thingees all over the place. In addition to that, they had a little basketball court and a shaded activities area with tables and chairs. Our kids had a blast. I couldn't imagine any place doing a better job in this department. We were thoroughly impressed.

And the rest of the staff was attentive and friendly whether you're talking about the maids, the bus-boy/servers in La Palapa, the bartenders, or the waitresses. The only time I questioned the genuineness of this niceness was when dealing with the hotel guest services staff. They were super friendly when we first checked in because they wanted us to agree to their 90-minute tour/sales pitch to buy into their Gold Vacation Club. We agreed to the tour because we wanted the free 500 pesos ($45) they were offering. It was also a good opportunity to tell them exactly why we'd NEVER even consider buying into such a package based on our experiences with the room, food, and drinks. So, after we shot down any hopes they had of us joining the Gold Club, and we got our goodies and free pesos, the friendly level of the guest services folks was ratcheted down quite a few notches. OK by us. They were still helpful and responsive when we need them.

A lot of the staff pulled double duty. Some were busy during the day running activities (bingo, dance contests, etc.) by the pool, others in charge of kids club. Then at night they'd come together and put on Broadway-type shows in the run-down theater. We were shocked and pleasantly surprised at how great these people were at dancing, singing, and acting! The shows were one of the highlights of our vacation. We saw a tradition Mexican Folklore show, a Grease show, and a Circus-type show complete with performing poodles. They also put on a Michael Jackson tribute show which we missed because of a very tired son.

In short, the staff was definitely this hotel's greatest asset. It made me wonder how underpaid they were. My wife found out that the gals from Kid's Club worked 14-hour days, six days a week. Judging from the extremely attractive low rates they were offering guests (remember, we paid around $1,000 for our family of four for five nights/six days), and the amount of staff they had (a lot!), it's hard to imagine these folks making anywhere near decent salaries. Welcome to Mexico, I guess.

Now, allow me to complain some more. I do it well, don't I!? Let's talk about the drinking water. Everyone knows you're not supposed to drink the tap water in Mexico unless you want to have all sorts of stomach and intestinal maladies. This can be solved by drinking bottled water. Yes, bottled water, one of the numerous things NOT included in the "ALL-INCLUSIVE" resort. If you wanted a bottled water you had two options: either pay $5 for one or order it from room service. We quickly caught on and were ordering 6 to 8 bottles of water every night from room service. Yes, we had room service! But it took at least an hour from the time you called to receive your order and the room service menu wasn't all that impressive -and neither was the food that arrived. You get what you pay for.

And sometimes you get less than you pay for. Take our little hotel-sponsored excursion to Señor Frogs (a chain restaurant/bar with locations throughout Mexico as well as Aruba, Bahamas, Puerto Rico, and even Myrtle Beach! -they also have their own clothing line). Now the deal was the hotel would spring for transportation to the joint and dinner for you and your family (a choice of 4 menu items) and all you had to do was pay for your own drinks and transportation back to the hotel. Splendid! My wife and I had the chicken fajitas and the kids settled on corn dogs and chicken fingers. The food was good. For drinks we decided to get the plastic souvenir "Yard" cups filled with virgin piña coladas for the kids and tasty Dos Equis Beer for us! We were having a great time until the check came. 500 Pesos - $45 for 2 virgin piña coladas and 2 large draft Dos Equis beers. After a screwing like that, I would've hoped for a few kisses and hugs from the staff. We left in utter disbelief, again feeling majorly duped.

Needless to say, my whole definition of "all-inclusive" has changed. I'm certain that it all depends where you go too. I've heard some people say nice things about the Sandals All-Inclusive Resorts -perhaps we'll give that a shot next time. We won't be returning the Crown Club Paradise any time soon. And not because our overall stay was that horrible; it's the deceptiveness of their brochures and website and what they advertise compared to what you actually get. That's what really left a bitter taste in our mouths. If we could've gone into the whole deal with all the cards on the table, I think our overall attitude would have been better. Instead, we just felt like we'd been suckered the whole time we were there. Was it worth the money we paid? Yes. I'd have to say it was. Just do the math. A family of four stays for six days/five nights in an 'OK' hotel where they have access to 'OK' food and even alcoholic beverages (even though the selection sucked) pretty much any time of the day. Their kids get to play all day in an adult supervised area with plenty to do. They enjoy great (but HOT) weather and stunning beach and ocean views and even get to take in some entertaining live shows free of charge. All that for around $1000. Yeah, it was worth it. That's like $50 a day per person. Not bad. BUT- had I paid an additional $3K+ for the airline tickets, I think I'd have a different opinion. I didn't though, so I can't complain. Much.

From a scenic perspective, Cancun -the island tourist zone, not downtown- is beautiful with plenty to do and see. But for my wife and I, the whole place was just too touristy. It was a tourist trap. There was very little true cultural things to take in. It was like being in Ocean City with better views. And everyone who lived there seemed focused on getting as much of our tourist money as possible. You want your picture taken with my donkey or my parrot? Pay up, gringo! You wanna swim with the dolphins? $100 por favor. How about taking a tour of ancient Mayan ruins? Cha-ching! Get your wallet out! It was just all too cheesy for me. Cheaply made "authentic" souvenirs were everywhere you looked and vendors would start out high and haggle with you to get the best price they could. Now, I know some enjoy that type of bargaining. I don't. Gimme a decent price, I'll pay it; no haggling necessary. But in Mexico, you just don't know what a fair price is. You always have your guard up because there's 50 Mexicans trying to swindle you while giving you a sincere smile. It was stressful for me. Not at all enjoyable. And no matter where you went, you'd run into these people. In short, don't go to Cancun expecting to gain any sort of appreciation or understanding of Mexican culture or ecology. The highlights of our trip were some chance encounters with some local iguanas and a rare opportunity to see a 300-pound mama sea turtle digging a large hole in the sand to bury her eggs in the dead of night (truly awesome!). Both of those cost us absolutely nothing but were valuable memories for us and our children. Oh, and Cancun is teaming with these birds called Great Tailed Grackles (the locals incorrectly refer to them as "Cuervos"). They were all around the courtyard/common areas of the hotel. The black males are quite large (crow-sized) while the brown females are smaller and have almost-neon yellow eyes. They make several distinctive screech-like noises -one sounds like a dolphin squeal- and they are bold and intelligent when it comes to snatching french fries, chips, and other food items off the plates of distracted guests. I'm not an avid bird watcher but I did enjoy watching these birds maneuver around and scavenge for food. One of the hotel staff told a story about how these birds would steal chunks of bread and drop them in the water to lure fish to the surface. They'd then grab the fish and eat them. That's pretty crafty for a bird. I saw one take a hard piece of bread and dip it in a water fountain to soften it up before proceeding to eat it. Pretty smart, if you ask me.

Lastly let me say I'm not a lay-by-the-pool type of guy. I enjoy a dip in the pool every now and then, but I don't consider laying on the beach or by the pool all afternoon/day that much fun. In fact, it bores me. So for me to go on a vacation featuring seven swimming pools and endless beaches was a bit of a stretch -and I certainly realized that before going. If you like that sort of sun and water worship stuff, Cancun is a great place to do it and the Crown Club Paradise Hotel is an affordable place for you to check out if you're not looking for gourmet food and premium drink selections. It's even more attractive if you have young kids that you want to keep occupied while you and the spouse just relax. For us, we were just expecting more and that's because the hotel does such a great (but deceptive) job of marketing. I think if I had more realistic expectations going in, I wouldn't have been so annoyed at a lot of the stuff. While a small portion of the blame falls on me for being so naive, I still think the hotel is blatantly running a false advertising campaign and if I had more free time and motivation to take my complaints higher, I would.

I do feel better though laying this all out in a blog for others to read. I hope it helps those who may be considering an "all-inclusive" vacation and I also welcome others who have been on such vacations to share your experiences. It may help us plan a future vacation!