Ah, Christmas

My dad died the week before Christmas and was buried on Christmas Eve. I was two years old, so I don't remember it nor was I traumatized by it. How can you miss something (someone) you never had? He wasn't too keen about having another kid anyway. My mom was 40 when I was born... my dad was 59. That means he'd be 99 if he were alive today. He already had eight kids with his first wife and all of them were out of school and their own for the most part. Imagine his shock when I showed up. He was way past that Fatherhood thing. Apparently, it was all too much for his ticker. He died of a massive heart attack after hanging the Christmas lights and having sex with mom. He about to take a relaxing bath and then -blammo!- he keels over dead on the bathroom floor. Mom heard the thud, ran upstairs and found him laying there. Mom was a nurse and she knew right away he was dead. It wasn't his first heart attack. In fact, that's how they met... he was in the hospital recovering from a previous heart attack and my mom was his nurse. He never took good care of his health.

I know the holidays always sucked for mom but she always made sure to put on a good show for me... decorations, twinkling lights, a Christmas tree... We never had a lot of money, but somehow mom always made sure I got pretty much what I wanted (and everything else I needed) for Christmas. She was the best mom.

Once I got older, I kinda fell out of the Christmas spirit. It all became too commercialized to me. Every year, the Christmas decorations hit the store shelves earlier and earlier. This year, they started showing up a few days after Halloween. It makes me feel that the holiday is being FORCED upon me. "You WILL celebrate Christmas. You WILL spend a lot of cash buying gifts for people who you otherwise wouldn't -but you know they're going to get YOU something (stupid) and so now you're obligated." It's a vicious circle. An exercise in futility. Yes, I know... I should change my name to Ebeneezer.

But this year is different. I'm actually in the Christmas mood. This is probably the WORST year financially, but I still have an itch to decorate (I dropped $300 on new outside lights) and I managed to get my wife a surprise gift. We got the kids some cool big-item gifts and -thanks to my DJ gigs at Nordstrom's (yeah, I was back there yesterday), I have some more money to pick up some stocking stuffers in time for Christmas Eve.

I have one regret. Not being able to help those less fortunate than me and my family. I know of such a family through a mutual friend. They have five kids -all girls- with another bun in the oven. The girls range in age from 3 to 11. My friend says they don't have much. Most of kids don't even have warm enough clothes for the winter let alone toys. I wanted to take a couple hundred bucks and buy each kid a toy and maybe some gloves and hats. I wanted to also deliver a grocery order for mom and dad. But I ran out of time and I have no money to do it. I've resolved to make a plan NOW so this doesn't happen next year. I figure I could DJ a few gigs and allocate that money specifically for one or two families. I think I could even get local businesses (Nordstrom's) to jump on the bandwagon.

I'm still hoping for some extra cash though to help those kids. They're really on my mind.

More thoughts on Christmas later! I might even share my new Christmas song with you... Three days and counting....